


A Sweeter Pain

by mara_jade



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Demisexual Sidney Crosby, Getting Together, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, although that's not explicitly stated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-24 17:33:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17708636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mara_jade/pseuds/mara_jade
Summary: There’s a silence where Geno seems to be trying to find words.  Anna looks on serenely from her seat.  Finally, Geno slides closer to Sidney on the couch, so close Geno’s shin touches Sidey’s thigh where it rests on the cushion.  Sidney waits for Geno to speak, but the silence stretches out between them.





	A Sweeter Pain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DizzilySpiraling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzilySpiraling/gifts).



> I had a lot of fun writing this for the SGA Exchange! It's my first time writing an ot3, which was a good challenge. Beta'd by my brother, because we're weird like that.

Very little ever surprises Sidney, but that’s mostly because his life has been structured for the specific purpose of maintaining consistency and uniformity.  Most people assume that it’s all just Sidney being  _ weird about hockey _ , and he lets them think that.

 

There are actually a lot of reasons Sidney avoids change.  Sure, superstition is part of it; Sidney’s lucky jock, as gross as it is, is pretty fucking important to his game.  But the larger part of it is rooted in self-preservation. If Sidney doesn’t pass the visitor’s locker room, the opposing players won’t have the opportunity to chase him down and try to hurt him. If he doesn’t let anyone touch his equipment, he can be sure no one has messed with it to sabotage him.  If he eats his pre-game meal on his own, no one is around to give him shit and try to mess with his head. Not that any of this would happen in the NHL, but, well, old habits die hard.

 

Still, there’s plenty Sidney knows he cannot control, and he tries his best to roll with it; to use it to help him be better.

 

There are lots of people on the internet who like to call him “hockeysexual” or a “hockey robot,” and Sidney would never admit to it, but...that’s not too far off from the truth.  The reality is Sidney has been in love with hockey so intensely, and for so long, almost nothing else in the world can compare. Sid isn’t bothered by it; in fact, he thinks of it as an advantage. Since he doesn’t get distracted by sex or relationships, he has more time to focus on hockey.  On improving his game. On being better. 

 

His body has needs, sure, but they are easily sated alone in bed or in the shower.  Colby and Jack have long since stopped commenting on Sidney’s ambivalence about picking up.  There was just never anyone that seemed worth it to Sidney. And anyway, what was he supposed to do, have sex with a  _ stranger _ ? No.  Nope. Absolutely not.  It practically gave Sidney hives thinking about it.

 

Nathalie had asked him about it one time, very gently. It was after dinner, in his second season,the kids had all gone to meet friends or finish their homework, and Mario went to the den to review some tape.  Sidney nearly went with him, but Nathalie had said, “Sid, would you mind helping me with the dishes?” It’s not like Sidney was going to say no. He’d have to renounce his Canadian citizenship, not to mention the look on his mother’s face if she found out.

 

They stood at the sink together quietly for a couple minutes, Sidney rinsing the plates and silverware in warm water, then handing each item to Nathalie to be placed in the dishwasher.  Sidney was just starting to think about ways he could improve his faceoff percentage when Nathalie said “Sid, you know we love having you here, yes?”

 

Sidney had no idea where this was going. “Yes?”

 

“And you are welcome to stay as long as you want.”

 

“Yeah, for sure. I’m not thinking of moving out or anything.”

 

“Oh, no, that wasn’t what I meant. I mean that we, Mario and I, want you to feel at home here.”

 

Sidney was very confused. “I do feel at home?”

 

She let out a small sigh Sidney usually associated with her having a conversation with one of her children about doing their chores, and paused to place the water glasses on the top rack. “It’s okay if you want to invite friends over, from time to time.”

 

The way Nathalie had said  _ friends _ didn’t  give Sidney the impression she meant having Flower come over to eat popcorn and watch Die Hard.  “I know.” He focused intensely on getting a stubborn bit of tomato sauce off the bottom of a plate.

 

“You are family to us, and we want you to be happy.”

 

There were no more dishes to rinse, but he didn’t look up from the sink.  “I am happy. Really.”

 

“Okay, Sid.  But if you want-“

 

“I know.  I can have people over.  Got it.” Sidney turned and hightailed it out of the kitchen before Nathalie could ask any more questions.

 

Then one day in late summer 2006, Mario called Sidney downstairs, and there, standing in the foyer, was  _ Evgeni fucking Malkin _ .  He looked tired, which, okay, was fair enough considering how far he’d come.  He was with Gonch and another guy who must have been his agent.

 

“Sid, this is Evgeni Malkin,” Mario said.  “Evgeni, this is Sidney Crosby.”

 

Sid waited a moment for Gonch to translate, then stuck out his hand.  “It’s great to meet you. I’m excited to play together.”

 

Malkin took his hand and looked at him for a second.  “Nice to meet you,” he ground out slowly, like he’d memorized the words specifically for this purpose.  Sidney doesn’t remember much else from that first meeting, but he does remember going to bed that night with the feeling of standing on a ledge, ready to fly.

 

Nearly three years later, after struggling and bleeding and playing the best hockey of his life, Sidney locks eyes with Geno over the Stanley Cup and thinks-  _ oh. _

 

The good news is Sidney is already used to ignoring anything in his life that isn’t hockey.  The bad news is being attracted to Geno, in particular, causes several problems. Not the least of which is Geno and hockey go together. 

 

Sidney’s not worried about being attracted to another man, and he doesn’t fuss too much over whether or not he’s gay, bi, or whatever, because none of that matters if he’s not going to tell anyone about it anyway.  He’s certainly not going to say anything to Geno. They have a good thing going, and Sidney isn’t about to wreck a great friendship and partnership with his stupid feelings. That would just be silly. This will pass over the summer, he decides.  And that is that.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next season arrives, and it hasn’t passed.

 

The years go by, and Sidney watches Geno be funny and fiercely loyal and expansively generous with affection on the ice and in the locker room and at bars in cities across North America.  Sidney watches Geno start and end relationships and start them again, and pick up girls in bars. Sidney avoids going out with the team after games when he can, and smiles through it all when he can’t.  The years go by, and there’s no more Cups, but there are great friendships and even better hockey, and Sidney goes to bed at night and tells himself it’s enough.

 

Then, one day, there’s Anna. Sidney had known of her existence of course. Geno was never shy about any of his girlfriends, and the summer had been full of texts with pictures of him and Anna everywhere from Moscow to Miami. 

 

Sidney hosts a cookout during training camp every year. It’s a great way to make the rookies and new team members feel welcomed, and Sidney takes his captainly duties seriously.

 

“Sid! Stop grilling the life out of that chicken and leave this to the professionals,” Tanger hip checks Sidney away from the grill and grabs the tongs out of his hand in a single move that’s been honed and perfected over time. “Go find a call-up to intimidate.”

 

Sidney  _ does not  _ intimidate call-ups, but he lets Tanger take over the grill anyhow.  It keeps him out of trouble. He runs into Cath and Alex on his way inside, and gets distracted for a minute trying to make Alex laugh.  He’s such a good baby and even though Sidney loves children, he knows it’ll be a long time, if ever, before he gets to have any of his own.

 

Just as he gets to the kitchen, he hears someone coming in the front door and goes to greet the newcomers.

 

“Hey G! Glad you could make it!” Sidney says as he gives Geno a hug.  Today was the first day everyone had been in town, and Sidney hasn’t seen Geno yet.

 

“Hi Sid, this is Anna,” Geno gestures to the woman standing next to him.  Anna doesn’t try to hide or act shy, even though she must be nervous.

 

“Hello,” she says, chin held firmly up.  She hands Sidney a bottle of wine.

 

“Anna!  It’s nice to meet you, G has talked a lot about you, you didn’t have to bring anything,” Sid says trying to make Anna as comfortable as possible.  She doesn’t smile, but she doesn’t frown, either, and Sidney always takes that as a win when it comes to Russians.

 

“Well, everyone is out back; drinks are in the fridge. I need to make sure Flower isn’t menacing any of the rookies. Make yourself at home!” Sidney knows he’s rambling, but this is the first time he’s been personally faced with one of Geno’s girlfriends, so he knows things must be serious.  Sidney’s not sure how to feel about it.

 

As he makes the rounds throughout the afternoon he occasionally feels Anna’s gaze, and when he catches her looking, she doesn’t look away.  Like she wants Sidney to know she’s judging him. He just hopes he measures up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As the season progresses, Anna is a solid presence at games and at Geno’s side.  At family skate, Geno pulls Sidney aside and says “I ask Anya to marry me.”

 

“Oh wow, G, that’s great!”  Sidney puts as much enthusiasm as he can muster into his voice.  It’s not like Sidney didn’t know this would be inevitable, with Anna or someone else, but it still kind of sucks. The sinking feeling of it sneaks up on him. “She said yes, eh?”

 

“Of course she say yes. I’m best,” Geno says with a smirk.  Smug bastard.

 

Sidney gets used to a new normal, one where he no longer has to smile through Geno’s hook ups, but instead has to be actively happy in the face of a wedding. Sidney gives it his best effort, which is not insignificant.  And if he sometimes imagines a different life before he falls asleep, no one has to know.

 

The thing is, while Sidney expected Geno to be less available, to pull away from their friendship to spend time with his family, that doesn’t happen.  Instead, Sidney finds himself drawn into the new parts of Geno’s life. 

 

“Sid, want to come for dinner?  Anya make vareniki,” Geno asks while they’re lacing up their skates for practice. 

 

“Uh, sure?” 

 

Geno misunderstands the reason for Sidney’s hesitation. “It’s okay, Sid. One meal won’t mess up diet.”

 

So, that evening, Sidney finds himself walking up the front sidewalk of Geno’s house with a bottle of wine from his collection.  And that was quite the decision, which bottle to bring. Something nice, for sure, but not  _ too _ nice.  It was supposed to be a casual dinner; was anyone else coming?  Sidney didn’t know. He should turn around and go back home. He could text Geno and tell him he’s sick.  That would work, maybe.

 

While Sidney stands on the stoop dithering, the door opens and Geno appears. “Sid! Come in, come in.  I take your coat.” There was nothing for it now. Sidney goes inside. “You don’t have to bring anything, but thank you.  Come into kitchen, see Anya.”

 

Sidney numbly follows Geno deeper into the house, where the kitchen is located in the back.  Anna stands at the island, putting together a salad. When she sees Sid, she comes around the counter and gives him a kiss on the cheek.  “Hello,” she said. “How are you?” Anna is still working on her English, but she’s picking it up more quickly than Geno. Maybe she has more time, Sidney thinks.  Or maybe she doesn’t have a bunch of guys trying to teach her the wrong words for things. 

 

“I’m good, thanks for inviting me,” Sidney is feeling a little overwhelmed, but his Canadian manners are practically stamped on his DNA.

 

“You always welcome Sid,” Geno says from Sidney’s side, and when the hell had he stepped so close?  Would it be weird to step away? Sidney doesn’t want to seem weird, and anyways he liked feeling Geno’s warmth at his shoulder, now that he knew it was there. “Don’t need invitation.”

 

Sidney doesn’t know what to say to that, so instead he says “Is there anything I can help with?”

 

“You can open wine.  Zhenya, get glasses down,” Anna says.

 

After dinner, they move to the living room and Geno turns on the Capitals/Islanders game.  It feels a little awkward to Sidney, sitting on the couch with Geno on the other end and Anna in a recliner on Geno’s other side.

 

At one point, Sidney looks over and sees Geno and Anna having some kind of silent conversation with their eyebrows.  Anna seems to get her way eventually, because Geno sighs and mutes the game before turning towards Sidney.

 

“Sid, want to talk about something.”

 

“Uh, okay?” Maybe Geno isn’t happy with his linemates; or maybe, Sidney thinks with a start, Geno is going to ask to be traded to another team and wants Sidney to know before he goes to the team.

 

There’s a silence where Geno seems to be trying to find words.  Anna looks on serenely from her seat. Finally, Geno slides closer to Sidney on the couch, so close Geno’s shin touches Sidey’s thigh where it rests on the cushion.  Sidney waits for Geno to speak, but the silence stretches out between them.

 

“I-,” He turns his head towards Geno to speak, but is cut off by Geno’s mouth on his.  For a second, Sidney forgets everything going on except for him and Geno. He’s breathless and startled, but remembers after a second to reciprocate the kiss.  As first kisses go, Sidney thinks he does alright. He’s seen a lot of movies.

 

Geno breaks away and looks at Sidney. “Want to do that for long time.”

 

“Wait, really?” Sidney knows he’s not always the best at picking up on things that aren’t hockey, but he thinks he probably should have noticed that one of his As wanted to kiss him.

 

“Sid, you have no idea,” Geno replies very seriously. “Since I first meet you.  Think you are best thing I’ve ever seen.”

 

Okay, so that’s a new piece of information.  But then- “What about Anna?”

 

Anna, who is still watching serenely from her perch, snorts out a laugh.  Geno has the grace to look sheepish for a moment. “Was long time ago. Best thing I’m see before I’m meet Anna.” 

 

“Good save,” Anna says.

 

Sidney’s brain finally catches up with the situation.  “Wait a second- you’re okay with this?” he directs at Anna.

 

Anna doesn’t bat an eye.  “Yes, of course.” When Sidney just sits there looking confused, she continues “When I meet Zhenya, he pays good attention to me, but also talks and talks of you. And I had suspicion, but also believe Zhenya when he say he loves me.  When I meet you first time, I know how Zhenya feels for you, I see it.”

 

Geno picks up “Anya come to me and say ‘you in love with Sid’, and what could I do? She was right.  But also I love her, and I tell her this.”

 

“So, what is this then? You want to be with two people? How does that even make sense?”  Sidney is more confused than he was before. It’s not like hockey players had a whole bunch of extra time, much less two hockey players, plus another person.

 

“Well, I’m not supposed to just kiss. Was supposed to talk first, but I can’t stop myself,” Geno says.  “So, we talk now. First thing is, do you like me? Want to be with me?” Geno is looking down at his hands.

 

“For sure, for a long time,” Sidney replies.  There’s no point in hiding the truth now. “But I don’t want to ruin your marriage.”

 

“You would not ruin,” Geno says. “I’m still be with Anya.  You be with her too, if you want.”

 

This is too much for Sidney.  He’s starting to get lightheaded.  “So we’d all be with each other? Like, the three of us together? How….” he trails off.  His brain is getting overloaded.

 

“Zhenya is not doing good job of explaining.” Anna steps in.  “Zhenya wants to be with me, and with you. I want to be with him, and maybe also with you.  I like you, but need to spend more time before I know for sure.”

 

“So you and I would...date?” Sidney hazards.  He is so out of his depth right now. He’s never dated anyone before.  How would he even do that?

 

“Only if you want,” Geno says.

 

Sidney thinks about it.  Sure, he’s feeling...a lot, and even more is running through his brain, but he tries to focus on the question at hand.  Does he want to date Anna? Is he interested in her? Could he want to be with her the same way he wants to be with Geno?  Considering until about five minutes ago he didn’t think he would ever be with anyone, at least not until after retirement, he’s not sure he can answer anything right now.  But, Sidney realizes, he’s not being asked to make a decision on...whatever kind of relationship Geno is proposing right this second. He’s only being asked about Anna. So, Sidney thinks about her.  About how he doesn’t know her well, but he has seen her smart sense of humor, her kindness to children, her solid presence at Geno’s side. That seems like the kind of person that Sidney would like to get to know better.

 

“I think we can try, but I’m not sure how,” Sidney finally says.  It’s not like he can take Anna to dinner in a restaurant. People would see them, and there might be pictures, and then how would he justify being seen with a teammate’s wife when the press inevitably asks him about it?

 

“Let’s worry about details later.  This is enough for now,” Anna breaks into Sidney’s spiral of thoughts.

 

Geno put his arm around Sidney and gathers him close, pressing a kiss to Sidney’s temple. “Anya is right, we figure it out.  Want to watch movie?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Sidney said, and settles into Geno’s embrace.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It’s a sunny but cold day in early March as Sidney drives to the Malkin residence.  He and Anna are just going back to his house, but he’s certainly not going to make Geno drive his wife to Sidney’s house for a date. They’ve been doing this for the past few months, although scheduling is getting tough in the middle of a run up to the postseason.  Mostly they’ve just watched movies together in Sidney’s den and had takeout. They’ve done some cuddling on Sidney’s couch, which was nice, and the last time he had dropped her off, Anna had planted a kiss on his cheek. Sidney remembers how Geno was when he and Anna were dating, though, and he knows he needs to step up his game in the romance department.  Sidney may have never dated anyone before, but he is a reasonably intelligent human being with access to Google.

 

Sidney puts in the gate code at Geno’s house and pulls up to the front door.  Usually he just walks right in, but this time he rings the doorbell. It takes a minute before Geno opens the door with a confused look that quickly morphs into a smirk as he takes in Sidney’s appearance.

 

“Anya! Door is for you!” he calls as he moves out of the way for Sidney to step into the foyer.

 

Anna comes up the hall from the kitchen. “What- oh,” she stops as soon as she sees Sidney.  She takes in his appearance for a moment- light gray suit, not one of the endless navy and black game day varieties, with a soft blue shirt and a pale yellow tie.  Hair actually done up, not just gelled into submission. Two dozen red roses in his hand. “You look...very nice, Sid. Is it….occasion, should I change?” Sidney hid a smile; Anna was clearly affected by his efforts.

 

“Well first, these are for you,” Sidney says with a smile as he hands Anna the flowers.  She takes them without looking. She looks cute when she’s confused. “And no, you don’t need to change.  Are you ready to go?”

 

“Ahhh, sure.  Yes,” she says distractedly.  She steps forward and then remembers the flowers in her arms. “I should…”

 

Geno steps in and takes the bouquet out of her hands. “I’ll put in water.  Have good time,” he says, then gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and a motivating push on her back.

 

Sidney steps aside to allow Anna out the front door, then rushes ahead to open the car door for her.  

 

Later, after dinner, Anna’s favorite lasagna recipe- Sid doesn’t feel prepared to tackle Russian cuisine quite yet- in Sidney’s rarely used dining room, they move to the living room, where Sidney set up some candles.  He directs Anna to have a seat on the couch, then brings out Anna’s favorite chocolate torte from a local Pittsburgh bakery, and a new bottle of wine. 

 

“You did not have to do all this,” Anna says as she eats her dessert. “But I am enjoying it,” she adds with a smile.

 

Sidney snorts a laugh.  “I wanted to. I want you to know that I am really in this; that I’m really trying here.”

 

“You did not need to do this for me to know that, Sidney.  I maybe not know you very well yet, but I know enough to know that you do not do anything part way.” Anna says with a knowing smile.  “Same as Zhenya.”

 

They eat in comfortable silence for the next few minutes, Sidney sneaking glances at Anna when he thinks she’s not looking.  Anna is physically beautiful of course, but more than that, she’s funny, and passionate, and never backs down from a challenge, all of which are qualities she shares with Geno.  The next time Sidney looks up, Anna winks at him with a smile, and Sidney feels a clench in his chest, the sweet pain of deep affection turning to love settling in. Sidney smiles back and takes another bite.  This is going to work out just fine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on [the tumblr](https://pennsylvaniasinbin.tumblr.com) if you want to find me and watch me flail over these dorks


End file.
